By: Charlotte Parish and Brennan Carley
No Arts For Martha
One of the greatest degradations of the American school system is currently going into affect on the island of Martha’s Vineyard. A “hands-on full immersion educational theater program run by The Vineyard Playhouse” is being stripped from local schools, preventing the rising stars of the community from embracing their inner talent. This is such an unprecedented occurrence, the arts being removed from public schools, that if it is occurring only now on the Vineyard, the rest of the country must be in dire straits.
U.K. Gets a J. Crew
The best thing since boat shoes has jumped the pond! American style icon, J. Crew, has decided to return the favor to the country that gave us Burberry by opening its very first chain in Britain. The store – known for its impeccable taste in colored capris, polo shirts, and blazers – will undoubtedly be wildly successful among the British youth who covet American yacht styles.
JFK, the Plagiarist
“Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.” The origin of these famous, rousing words of former president John F. Kennedy has recently been unearthed as inspired by a speech by the Pulitzer Prize-winning headmaster of an elite Choate boarding school in Connecticut. Really, though, no one should be surprised by this, since the best and brightest could only come from a private school. If it’s in Connecticut, all the better!
Band of Wizards
In a move that will undoubtedly push their careers to new heights, Rupert Grint and Tom Felton both donned outfits that would make Brooks Brothers and Vineyard Vines proud in order to promote their upcoming film Band of Outsiders. What is the movie about? Will Grint and Felton give noteworthy performances? Who really cares? They looked fabulously yacht-ready while posing for the camera.
It baffles the mind why anyone would find this Twitter (@OccupyGreenwich) amusing in any way. Sure, some may find it tongue-in-cheek, but it’s hard to find anything droll about tweets like ‘When is #Greenwich going to get some of this #OWS love? I got a bunch of new outfits at Eddie Bauer! Roughing it outdoors one weekend = fun!” We do agree with one of the tweets, however: “keep those smelly hippies in Manhattan.” We don’t need them cluttering up our Jack Wills and Vineyard Vines.
Treat Yo‘ Self
Last week’s marvelous episode of Parks and Recreation brought the close-knit cast to The Cove at Eagleton as part of “Treat Yo’self 2011.” The shopping center is a true paradise for the preppy community. You can never have enough Burberry locations, as Tom Haverford points out while adorned in his boy-sized Sperrys. Likewise, the trio engaged in some stimulating conversation with acupuncture needles protruding from their pores. Brooks Brothers, in all your infinite wisdom, make this mall a reality.
The Marriage Plot
In Jeffrey Eugenides’ masterful new novel, the protagonist, a graduate from the Ivy-laden Brown, finds herself consumed with her English thesis on the “marriage plot.” The book’s rhapsodic tone and lushly elegant descriptions of its characters place it in a ring higher than most. Toss aside the smutty Twilight novels cluttering your bookshelves, and replace them with this sweeping, instant classic. You likely know all of its characters by heart already.
Big Fat Preppy Wedding
Take a moment to imagine a Tony Greenwich wedding, the reception held in a castle overlooking a luxuriant golf course, the guests each offered a room for retiring when the festivities conclude at the night’s end. It sounds like heaven, doesn’t it? If these thoughts get your Tory Burch-enveloped feet all warm, make sure to go see Lars Von Triers’ Melancholia, a deeply intriguing portrait of a wedding between Alexander Skarsgaard (the preppiest of them all) and Kirsten Dunst. It’s head-scratching why the poor girl spent so much time moping—the ceremony was gorgeous and the champagne flowed as freely as the Vera Wang dress.