Salmon – The new semester brought with it an unexpected appreciation for salmon. Not for the fish themselves, but for killing those fish and feasting on the corpses. Straight out of a river raw is usually the best way to go, but it seems like most of you over-pampered pansies nowadays want your fish cooked with a pathetic little lemon wedge on top. All right, princess, you can have your salmon cooked, just know you’re missing out on the true honest-to-God experience of real livin’.
The View From Walsh – If you live on the side of Walsh facing away from campus, you get the best view of any dorm: a cemetery. Some people might find it macabre, but we personally find it refreshing to wake up and gaze out at the fields filled with the dead. It keeps us grounded in the inevitability of our own demise.
Beanpot Win – With the exception of last year’s disappointment, it has become pretty routine for BC to win the Beanpot. It probably has something to do with us being better than everyone. You hockeyed real good there fellas, real darn good.
Spring Break Three Weeks Away – It seems like we just got back and we already get to leave again. Thank the lord. We’ll be counting the days.
Post-Workout Bathroom Mirror Pictures – We’re sorry that we don’t have time to bow down to your slightly less flabby physique. We’re too busy with things that matter. Normally, we would gasp in awe at your “Getting back in shape. Ran 1 mile and did 3 pushups. FEELS SO GOOD!!!!” post, but that toilet in the background looks a little suspicious. I’d suggest some Lysol or perhaps Scrubbing Bubbles. Maybe someday you’ll be content to accomplish things on your own and not cram them down the rest of the world’s throat as you scream, “I don’t care what you think. I’m doing this for myself.” Go eat a box of Ho Hos and calm down.
Out-of-Class Movie Assignments – Everyone knows the reason we pay to attend BC is for the fantastic movie recommendations from professors. It’s been scientifically proven that lying in bed half-watching some random movie for your ill-conceived assignment is the best way to learn. Someday, you’ll thank your professor for adding this little three-hour waste of life to the syllabus.
Not Voting – What’s your problem? You hate freedom, is that it? If you can vote, go vote. There’s no excuse. If you think the system’s rigged and none of the candidates are smart enough to run the country, then use the write-in to vote for yourself, you arrogant fool. Just get out there and America it up with your voterific votes.
Featured Image by Reed Saxon / AP Photo