EC Forced to Open Race After Two UGBC Primary Victors Drop Out, 12 More Teams Declare

The Elections Committee was forced to reopen the Undergraduate Government of Boston College’s presidential nomination once again after two of the three primary victors dropped out last week. In the last two days, 12 more teams joined the ballot for the positions of president and executive vice president.

The Elections Committee was concerned that the remaining team, Tony Pena and Raquel Tight, were too much of a joke, as they both serve as editors on The Dab.

Jonah Armadillo’s team dropped out of the race after claiming that the other two teams copied their color theme of red, white, and blue. After failing to come up with a different color scheme, they decided to exit the race.

Johnny Mitochondria’s team realized that their platform would be too difficult to implement, he said.

“We came to the realization that with such sucky sports teams, it’s pretty impossible to ‘hype up the Heights,” Mitochondria said. “Therefore, we are dropping out of the campaign for personal reasons.”

“Because of their positions on that publication, we are concerned that there is not sufficient competition,” Ryan Millsbloom, the Elections Committee chair, said.

The 12 new teams all are promising that they will work for diversity and inclusion, printers in Lower, and positive mental health on campus.

There will now be primaries to narrow the race down to six teams. There will then be secondaries to get it down to three teams. The thirdaries will decide the next UGBC president and vice president and will be held on June 22 if all goes as planned.

This week will mark the 35th week of UGBC presidential elections for the year.

“To be honest, I’m getting pretty tired of campaigning,” Pena said. “I can’t promise that the printers will be in any sooner, as it’s now the 35th week and we haven’t seen any progress.”

“I think I’ve said my platform—which is the same as every other candidate’s—in as many different ways as possible by now,” Tight said. “It’s definitely time to get to the actual elections before the process gets repetitive.”

On election day, UGBC plans on utilizing the BC Emergency system—yes, there is one—to send out emails and texts to the student body to increase votership. Last year, a record 43 students voted. This year, they hope to reach their goal of 50 voters.

“We are really optimistic about reaching a minority of the student body this year,” Millsbloom said.

*This story is part of The Depths, a collection of humorous, fictional portrayals of campus life, written in the spirit of April Fools’ Day. Some names of “sources” have been changed to maintain ambiguity and humor.