No One Opts for 2000, ResLife Re-Evaluates

After weeks of denying claims that the newly redesigned building 2000 Commonwealth Avenue would include the old pool and access to balconies in the apartments, Boston College’s Office of Residential Life has announced that both amenities will be available if students sign up to live in the building during an extended final selection period next week.

“It wasn’t that we couldn’t fill the building,”Associate Vice President for Student Affairs Greg Fairy said, though off the record he confirmed that was exactly what happened. “We don’t want people to think that. We merely brought in some more second opinions, and eventually we found one who said our insurance liability for drunk students inevitably falling over the balconies was low enough to proceed.”

Incredibly, not a single group of students elected to live in one of the 70 four-person apartments in 2000 Comm Ave. on that day of selection, as [email protected] was overloaded with deferment emails from seniors who missed out on actual on-campus fours. This caused a nightmare chain-reaction, as those seniors then filled up Stayer and good portions of Vanderslice and 90, while on-campus juniors decided to take over Walsh for another year.

While ResLife tried to adjust its best by including the apartments on the day of four-person suites, even the most desperate students still refused to settle, opting instead to go for the final day of traditional housing.

“Say what you will about Greycliff, but it’s still closer to being ‘on-campus’ than 2000,” said one sophomore, who was lucky enough to get a room in the now not-least-desired dorm.


 


The renovation of 2000 Comm. Ave. was initially met with excitement from students back in the fall, until a Heights article revealed that balconies would be locked and the pool would be demolished. In the weeks preceding the housing selection, ResLife released a YouTube video of the new dorm, highlighting its beautiful bunk beds, fabulous study and reflection space on the 17th floor, and convenient access to BC’s shuttle service, which they say makes the “on-campus” dorm feel like it’s actually on campus even though it’s not.

To further publicize the change in the dorm, ResLife directors have said they plan to release a new video, which will feature people grilling on the balconies and University President Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J. sitting in the pool, reading a Bible while getting a late-spring tan. However, it is unclear at this time exactly who will have access to the pool, though Fairy believes it will be limited to just residents.

“How would this be a proper incentive for people to live there if the students in Greycliff could just waltz over whenever they pleased?” he said. “I don’t mean that students need any incentive for choosing to live in wonderful 2000, but they should still get some benefit that students in other dorms don’t have.”

Whether designed to be an incentive or not, the move appears to be working, as ResLife has already filled 74 spots—coincidentally all 73 returning members of the swimming and diving team, as well as one confused member of club water polo, who mistakenly thought he was “in” with the Division-I athletes. The teams, unsurprisingly, cited the pool as the primary reason for making the move to the building, saying it is the best and only pool available that is closer to campus than that one between the Reservoir and Cleveland Circle.


*This story is part of The Depths, a collection of humorous, fictional portrayals of campus life, written in the spirit of April Fools’ Day. Some names of “sources” have been changed to maintain ambiguity and humor.