The Last Week – I don’t know about you folks, but the thumb-meister has decided to forget about walking and will instead ride to his final week of classes on his horse Nuggets. Mustering for the final battle, I will trot my trusty steed back and forth in front of Gasson, declaring my victory over classes before riding blindly into the warped battlefield of finals.
Stapling a Paper – When we swipe that card, hear that little electronic beep, and click on that line of text, a shiver runs down our spine. Page after page of warm paper is tranmorphalatized inside that giant grey box. We hold it in our hands, beholding the work we have created, the pile of utter nonsense and badly researched bologna sausage that some people might call a final paper. Pushing down on the stapler, we listen for that telltale click and then pull the pile of tree pulp free and see the small piece of metal in the corner. “It is done,” we whisper quietly, before falling to our knees. Clutching the paper to our chest, we grab the ankle of a passerby and look up at them, our eyes swimming with tears. Then we get kicked out of the library.
Looking Back to When This Started – As the end rapidly approaches, it’s worthwhile to take a couple of moments (roughly 285 words) to consider where you were before entering into the wild and wacky world of Boston College.
Accidentally Biting Off A Sizeable Chunk of Nail – We hate to get too bodily-harm-focused here, but sometimes there are issues that the people really care about, and that’s what these thumbs are all about. You’re just sitting there, nervously chomping down on the old fingernails, when the old maxillary lateral incisor slices through a little bit more than expected. You move your hand but the nail is somehow stuck to your tooth and you pull even more at the nail. Casually attempting to hide your now-bleeding fingertip, you wipe it on your jeans and leave a sizeable red streak. You’ve made a terrible mistake. Your nervousness has led to behavior that should make you nervous which makes you even more nervous which contributes even further to this nervous-making nervous behavior. It’s all one giant circle. It’s all one big joke and you’re the punchline. It’s all … one … … … … … thumb. Gasp. You look down at your bleeding digit and realize that it’s your thumb you’ve been biting this whole time. The blood pooling around your nail begins to coagulate rapidly and then disappears into thin air. Your nail heals immediately. There’s something special about your thumbs. Something magical. You hold your hand in the air, fingers splayed. Closing your eyes, you focus on the world around you, feeling its ups and its downs with the tentacles of your mind. After a few seconds a wry smile crosses your lips. With one sharp movement you form a fist with your thumb jutting outward. Slowly you turn your hand until your thumb points to the ground. “Thumbs Down,” you whisper, realizing your untold power. Thunder cracks overhead. A hero has been born this day … or maybe a villain. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Featured Image by Luca Bruno / AP Photo