With Harambe Dedication, Patrick Towles Has Already Saved Boston College Football

patrick towles

Nothing I’ve seen, either in person, in print, or online, has given me any sort of confidence about Boston College football’s ability to win a bowl game. Until this.


Dedicating this season to the realist there ever was… #RIPHARAMBE

A photo posted by Patrick Towles (@patty_ice_8) on

After spending a long and convoluted season trying not to puke on the QB merry-go-round of 2015, Steve Addazio seems to have landed just the man needed to right the sinking offensive ship. Patrick Towles, a grad transfer out of Kentucky, may have thrown more interceptions than touchdowns in 2015 and spent his final games as a Wildcat holding a playbook, but this is the man—nay, the HERO—to bring BC from the bottom-five in offense up to the top-five. Or at least the top-100, which would still be a heroic feat.

How will he fare with this Herculean task? It’s hard to tell from on-the-field analysis—he seemed rather shown up by his competitor/predecessor Darius Wade in BC’s spring game back in April. But that doesn’t matter, because feats of strength off the field matter more anyway. And with this Instagram post on Saturday, the HERO not only won the starting job, but also all of our hearts. Only a true HERO would put everything he has on the line out of honor to the figure who the Internet has claimed had the most unrighteous death in history at the hands of the worst villain in history: bad parents.


Towles was already set to bring the world’s most powerful magic to Chestnut Hill, but with this he has outdone all other season dedications given out before him. He didn’t mess around with lauding former teammates or coaches and had the wisdom to keep his make-believe girlfriend to himself. He wanted something real, and so he’s pouring out a whole season to the “realist there ever was.”

The real question is, how did we not see this coming? This is exactly what should be expected from combining a passion for animals, a Christly duty for love, and a pinch of, wait, what? Not to mention it’s been about 14 weeks since the last #SWEETWILDLIFEPICMONDAY. With a quiet period like that, of course something was coming. Cannot imagine the pain our HERO has been in since hearing news of the tragedy, which allows me to forgive him for not giving me an Insta photo cred here and instead start penciling in BC to take on Clemson in the ACC Championship. The only thing I’m unsure of at this point is what I’ll be wearing to the Heisman Award Ceremony this December.

#RIPHARAMBE, the ‘realist’ GOAT of America.


Featured Image by Alec Greaney / Heights Editor

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Retired. But you can probably still follow him on Twitter @AlecGreaney.