Taking Suggestions – It is often said that the true measure of an institution is its ability to take criticism. Some of the greatest achievements in mankind’s history have been brought to fruition through constant reflection, reassessment, and reconsideration of the way that the world works. The Wright Brothers recognized a need for more advanced methods of transportation, and so they built the first flying machine. Thomas Edison was tired of existing primarily in the dark, and so he invented the light bulb. Otto Rohwedder was fed up with having to manually separate reasonable portions of bread, and so he built a machine to slice it for him. To these brave and insightful innovators, no challenge was too daunting to conquer. We have reached a point in the earth’s turning when a new challenge has presented itself, waiting for a valiant soul to rise up and meet it. The Tuscan Chicken containers in Eagle’s Nest must be replaced. The perfect solution: Chicken Caesar Wraps.
The Tuscan Chicken Obsession – Every Monday at around 11:50, the freshman trudges into Eagle’s Nest, desperately hoping to beat the rush following the end of classes. To his dismay, he is rarely able to out-swim the tide of students pouring into the space between the poles and yellow walls of arguably the best lunch destination on campus. The lines grow exponentially by the second, and eventually extend out of the door, up the mountain of stairs to Upper, ending finally at the door of O’Connell House. Preferring to not wait an eternity and 12 minutes for a sandwich, he often begrudgingly begins his ascent up Mount Upper to return to his dorm, famished and defeated. Lately, however, the casual Eagle’s goer has been offered the gift of salvation. Clear plastic containers containing premade Tuscan Chicken sandwiches have begun to line the glass counters normally required to bring about this coveted BC delicacy. Those estranged by the seemingly endless lines can circumvent the ordering process all together, and stride triumphantly past those in waiting, sandwich in hand. College students, alas, are fickle, and we have reached a critical moment in this institution’s history in which the Eagle’s Nest’s perception of the Tuscan Chicken as the sole desire of students’ stomachs has become archaic. Currently on the rise, the Chicken Caesar Wrap has proven a formidable challenger to the king of Tuscan Chicken among students, and for this reason deserves its rightful place inside the glorious premade sandwich containers. It is time for the Chicken Caesar Wrap to begin its conquest of the Tuscan Chicken just as Julius Caesar conquered all of Italy. The analogy was too good to pass up. I apologize.
Featured Image by Meg Dolan / Heights Staff