A Party of Lies, With Bread: TU/TD

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Rediscovering the Old – The party in the Mod was burning out. The crowded housing unit had been the site of festivities since 3 p.m., and it was now approaching 2 in the morning. The residents of the dwelling were well past the point of a safe level of intoxication, and thus could not come to their senses to kick everyone out of their house. And so the dancing and liver-poisoning took on a tired and lethargic style, full of drunken stumbles and passed out party-goers abound. One of the residents, the designated DJ for the night, returned to his iPhone by the speaker and gazed through the glare of his bright screen through a buzzed blur. In his impaired state, he accidentally hit shuffle on the wrong playlist. While he meant to que up his “Mod Get Lit” soundtrack, he accidentally pressed play on “Adam’s Seventh Birthday,” which his mom had refused to delete from their shared iTunes account. The unsuspecting senior perked up his ears in horror as P!nk’s “Get This Party Started” began to reverberate through the trashed room. He stood frozen, expecting ridicule and a rescinding of his future aux cord privileges. To his surprise, however, the music seemingly cast a spell over the room. The fallen celebrants reawakened, rising together and singing along in uniscent. One by one their spirits were rejuvenated. They disregarded the turned-over furniture and beer bottles that littered the floor, and took to dancing again. Truly, they were coming up, and they were going to get this party started.

Gettin’ Fancy – If you’ve been to Eagle’s Nest to get a sandwich in the last week or so, you’ve probably noticed the new bread option that appears every so often. This artisan loaf is fantastic, and represents an improvement to the already best place to eat on campus. Tuscan Chickens are given a more authentic taste, while Turkey Avocados are made all the more delicious. Even if you’re a presser or a salad-liner, it is worth your while to defect for at least one day, and to try this newfound treasure before it’s gone.

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Fake News – In Trump’s America, in which adhering to morality seems as inconsequential of a question as what color underwear one should wear on any given day, the dissemination of fake news is a serious and pressing issue. The Heights has received multiple reports that a new publication, oddly titled The Depths, has established an office in the basement of Carney Hall, and have begun spreading their publication around campus. The slanderous and falsified stories in The Depths could only have been written by a group of scallywags who are sick in the mind. Who would even think to mislead the student body in such a manner? Those that disgrace the news by creating fabricated stories are surely twisted and maniacal individuals who should never be trusted. Be wary if you see a member of The Depths around campus, they just might tell you that Eagle’s Nest is open on the weekend. It’s not. Can we fix that?

Featured Image by Meg Dolan / Heights Editor

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