Patterned Pants – I’ve got a pair of blue-ish pants. But they aren’t just plain blue, devoid of any other form of expression. They’re dotted up and down with black and white geese, a sharp contrast that captures the eye. From afar, someone wearing plain blue pants is, well, just another hipster in plain blue pants. But someone wearing patterned blue pants, however, is an enigma. You gaze across the quad, across the dining hall, or even across the classroom, attempting to decipher what sort of design covers my legs. Is it an anchor, as most preppy pants are adorned with? Perhaps a whale, as many sweaters, shirts, and pants on this campus flaunt almost religiously? You move closer, crossing the grass or room, to close the space between us, aching to know just exactly what sort of emblem is peppered across the blue fabric. We’re almost face to face now, and you’re just about to make out the flying geese on my pants. But now you realize that I’ve been watching you stare at my pants for the last two minutes and 23 seconds, and it’s too late to avoid any sort of awkwardness because you’ve moved right next to me. Others have noticed as well, and a few have stopped to watch as you became mesmerized by my stylish trousers. The entire spectacle is something out of a weird indie music video, where what takes place probably has nothing to do with the song. But just think, if I hadn’t worn my blue pants with the geese on them, we probably wouldn’t have become friends.
Life in Shades of Brown – It’s hard to imagine what life in college would be like without caffeine. One can imagine hoards of students slowly trudging across campus, their zombie-like demeanor resulting from their inability to have a morning coffee. Professors are late to class because, without coffee, they cannot muster up the motivation to drive 30 minutes to an hour to teach privileged undergraduates all day who only care about matters of superficiality, what Mod or bar they’re going to go to on any given night, and maintaining a 3.3 GPA so that they can join their fathers at hedge funds and law firms alike without feeling too self-conscious every time someone brings up the problem of nepotism in American society and its contribution to the unbreakable cycle of wealth and disparity between the upper and lower class. Thanks coffee, you keep us in business, quite literally.
Instagram on Game Day – Oh look, she was at a tailgate in the Mod Lot. Oh, look, so was she. Wow, I wonder how many people bought the same BC tank-top from the bookstore. Almost everyone, apparently. Didn’t I just see this photo? Never mind, it’s just someone who looks exactly like that other person in almost exactly the same place with a caption that differs by only a few words and synonyms, silly me. Pretty sure if I see one more caption about the result of the game not mattering because we “win” at tailgating, which doesn’t actually make any sense, I’m going to delete this app and live in the woods by the Reservoir for a few days until I can bring myself to set foot on Lower Campus again.
Featured Image by Meg Dolan / Heights Editor