I have been thinking about the upcoming Arctic Monkeys album, Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino, a lot lately. What will it sound like? Will it adapt to the synthetic sound everyone seems to be pushing right now? Will it bring back the untamed garage rock sound of their first couple albums? (My guess is probably not, but I wish it would.)
I have also been thinking about the Iran Deal a lot lately, mostly asking the same questions most Americans are pondering right now: Will Donald Trump pull the most dangerous petty schoolgirl move ever and pull out of the Iran Deal out of sheer distaste for President Barack Obama, the man who originally negotiated the deal?
You know what I haven’t been thinking about a lot lately? Finals.
Quite frankly, I’m exhausted from presentations and “midterms” (If it’s cumulative, it’s not a midterm—it’s a final) assigned for the last few days of class because some professors don’t want to be here any longer than they absolutely have to (I feel you—I too am incredibly tired of Northeast humidity and I am dreaming of California beaches and sleeping in). So instead of trying to eliminate an inevitable mental breakdown when I realize I have less than 24 hours to revise a 15 page Rights in Conflict paper and write an additional 4,500 words for an Intro to International Politics take home final, I am writing this column.
I was scrolling through Twitter when I realized the obvious connection between the Arctic Monkeys album, the Iran Deal, and my impending finals: On May 11, I will be finished with finals and Donald Trump will most likely be on the verge of making the erratic decision to pull the United States out of a landmark deal that is effectively preventing nuclear war with Iran. And regardless of how either of those things go, the Arctic Monkeys will release an album for the first time since 2013. It really is the little things.
It is quite spectacular how much the Arctic Monkeys album and the impending Iran Deal decision have in common: The first is expected to have a space rock sound, based on the album’s retro artwork and the band’s teaser sound clip. The second could result in an explosion so large you would be able to see it from space.
Of course I don’t have any control over what the Arctic Monkeys’ album sounds like or what Trump decides to do in regards to Iran (Guess who I trust to make a good decision in regards to their respective decisions—hint: It rhymes with quartic funkies). But I suppose I do have some control over how my finals go.
So I bet Trump is having the same dilemma I am having right now: Do I want to read the whole Vox article about the Iran Deal to figure out what this is really all about, or do I want to skim it so I have just enough information to pretend I know what it’s about? Do I want to Tweet about it regardless of what course of action I decide to take?
I get the feeling that a lot more people care about who makes the decision to actually read the article, and I get the feeling that one of us will get a lot more retweets and favorites than the other if we both decide to tweet about the Iran Deal.
I would say that my opinion about Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino has a lot more credence than that of Trump, but he once warned Robert Pattinson about dating Kristen Stewart after she cheated on him, and they did split up. People care about what the man has to say.
When have people cared about what I had to say? When I took the precise wrong approach to arguing that The Beatles are overrated. (If I could do it differently, I would tell you that “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” is a masterpiece, but “All You Need is Love” isn’t the best love song that was ever written and anyone who plays it at their wedding is a simple bitch).
What will I have on Monday night when I have yet to hear the Arctic Monkeys album, Trump is still letting the world speculate about what’s going on in his insane head, and I have been cramming for my finals for 12 straight hours because I wrote this column instead of writing papers and studying? I will have “A Hard Day’s Night.”
Featured Image by Domino Recording Company