Google-Lego Collaboration: This could be the greatest thing since integrated circuits and gene sequencing. Google has launched a site that lets you build with virtual Legos. For those of you who are not appreciating the magnitude of this situation, let us put this a little more bluntly—WE CAN PLAY WITH LEGOS ON OUR COMPUTERS!!!!! Legos were the building blocks of our childhood, the foundation of plastic upon which everything good and true and beautiful has been built. We haven’t paid attention in class for days, we haven’t slept for weeks, and we haven’t left our dorm room except in dire circumstances—we have just built.
Weak Genes: Our genetic deck is stacked against us. We’ve been sick for months.
Engagements: Benedict Cumberbatch is engaged, and fangirls everywhere are inconsolable.
Commonwealth Ave. Dunkin’ Donuts: We have always had a bone to pick with this Dunkin’ Donuts. We had hoped foolishly that the renovations in January were the turning of a new leaf, the opening of a new chapter, in the life of that pathetic store—but we were wrong. With long lines and molasses-slow service, the customer experience there continues to disappoint. Although we have never had high expectations for Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, this store is a consistent failure, serving sub-par coffee week in and week out. And don’t get us started on the flies. We have often wondered if there is a week-old wildebeest carcass rotting in the back. Somebody should have the health inspector look into that.
Graduation Bookings: Our parents are booking their tickets and hotels for graduation. It’s too damn early for this. It makes it all too real.
Light Ordinances: We recall with great fondness all of the yearly rituals that established order and stability in our lives. Every November, there was one in particular toward which we looked forward—the annual decking of the halls and ornamenting of the yard. Without fail, the day after Thanksgiving would find our mothers, brothers, and us in the front yard with boxes of decorations our fathers had lugged down from the attic and deposited on the lawn with aplomb before returning to his cars that needed attention. When we were really little, we would hold the strings of lights while our mothers wrapped them ceremoniously around the bushes and trees. When we were older, we would scurry up the ladder and hang the garland from the fence posts, while our mothers cautioned us to slow down, lest we lose our footing six feet in the air. At this point, you are probably wondering where this is going and why this is getting a thumbs down—all of that stuff sounded really nice. Exactly. It was. We recently heard rumors that University regulations prohibit the decorating of the outside of the Mods. There can be no trimming of the garland, no adorning of the bushes. We shall make no memories of running around the yard with strings of multi-colored lights, deciding the best arrangement for the year. We shall have no arguments with our roommates over whether we shall get a light-up wreath for our door. If it is true, that, gentle readers, is a shame.
Featured Image by Breck Wills / Heights Editor