Turkeys and Champions: TU/TD

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The Turkeys Are Alive – The tragic disappearance of the Upper Campus turkeys put a damper on the beginning of second semester. Students bemoaned exiting their dorms without their favorite holiday birds there to greet them. The barren patches of dead grass where the turkeys used to roam peacefully among bustling students reminded them of the friends they had lost. How were they meant to focus on school and other responsibilities now that their turkey friends were somewhere out there, lost and alone, potentially road kill, or worse, stuck between two slices of bread? Students need not fret, however, because the turkeys are alive and well. They were spotted recently close to Mac, having migrated to the other side of Beacon Street. Why the turkeys decided to abandon their on-campus habitat is unclear, but news of their safety brought some light to a relatively dreary day.

Keeping it Mello – An EDM concert in a gym doesn’t really sound like a fun proposition. Especially in one without air conditioning. But the faceless DJ dressed in all white at the helm of this function didn’t care. Students clad in neon and sports jerseys and neon sports jerseys descended upon the Plex carrying water bottles far more conspicuous than they realized. Regardless, the Jesuit mosh pit grew and grew until it was sufficiently large enough to make St. Ignatius roll over in his grave.

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Not Understanding What “The World” Means – Last night, we crowned the “champions of the world,” following their running around and throwing of a few balls to the delight of millions. Each year, those in this country most skilled at swinging wooden rods compete in the “World Series.” Ironically, however, and probably contrary to popular belief, most of the world doesn’t really care. The coronation of an American football team as “world champions” after winning a league in which only American football teams compete is pretty narcissistic, and a little ridiculous. We should probably cut it out.

“What Could Possibly Go Wrong” – What an ignorant phrase. This forsaken combination of words literally beckons disaster. How can one possibly ignore the endless multitude of potential consequences, mishaps, dangers, tragedies, explosions, implosions, fires, etc. that the universe is capable of conjuring up at will. To utter these words is to ignore the supreme unpredictability of the world and to declare one’s actions immune to the volatility of the earth’s turning. Don’t be that guy. No one likes that guy.

Featured Image by Zoe Fanning / Heights Staff

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