He Said
Ryan Daly, Opinions Editor
In the beginning, whoever asks pays. So, if the guy asks the girl on the first date, he pays. If he asks her again, he pays. If he asks her again, the guy should consider whether or not the girl is just being nice and saying yes to him, or if she’s just lazy, or if she’s using him for free food and movies. If the girl asks the guy on the date, she pays. (Change the use of “guy” and “girl” in the previous statements to fit your inclinations.)
Simple.
As the relationship progresses and becomes more serious, things should be split equally between the individuals. Relationships are two equal people engaging in something together, so paying for meals and such should be the same way. There will always be outlying situations, in which the guy might demand to pay for something and the girl might demand to pay for something, and the significant other should let the person have it. Problems only come up when one demands to pay for something all of the time and never gives the other person a chance to pay.
Too much time is spent fretting about who should pay for what on dates. Follow the instructions above, and make it easier on yourself. Spend less time arguing about money, and spend more time actually looking at the other person (and there it is, my hopeless romantic plug. Hope you all had a great Valentine’s Day, you bastards).
She Said
Arielle Cedeno, Assoc. News Editor
It’s the first date: everything has been going well, the conversation has been great, the food you haven’t touched was kind of good, this guy is kind of cute and maybe normal … and then the bill comes. It’s so awkward—the waiter tries to cordially decide who to hand the check to, the two in question fumble to retrieve their wallets, weird glances are exchanged all around, credit cards are taken out, before one brave soul finally mumbles, “Oh, I got it.” First dates can be awkward enough, not even taking into consideration the age-old question of who the hell pays. Does the guy pay? Isn’t that the way things usually go? Wait, I’m a feminist—do I pay? When did the check for date in the North End become an issue of women’s rights? Should I call the Uber? Where does Venmo come into play?
A lot of these questions really depend on the context of the situation. If it’s a first date, I do think that the guy should pay. In most cases, the guy actually wants to pay. Adamantly refusing this courtesy can come across as impolite, and most of the guys that I’ve talked to find it harsh or annoying. Ladies, if the guy you are on a date with earnestly wants to pay for the dinner that he invited you to, it’s not the end of the world—this is not a victory for the patriarchy and you are not seceding all of your rights as a women. This small act of chivalry does not negate the work of the entire women’s right movement. Let’s all just calm down a little.
In the context of a long-term relationship, however, I think it’s up to the couple to decide what works for them. I think it’s unreasonable and a little unfair to assume that the guy will always pay for everything. As with anything in a relationship, it’s a give and take. I don’t think it’s necessary to make rigid boundaries wherein both parties must always equally split everything, but I do think it’s healthy for there to be some variation that both feel comfortable with.