March – This month is essentially made up of small fits of school in between extended and luxurious breaks. We like to think of this week and a half of classes as more of a brief collegiate intermission in the middle of our month off. A mindset like that will help you get through the day.
Rain – Some people like to complain about the rain, about the cold wind biting at your face like a rabid dog, but we personally enjoy the rain. There’s a certain sensation, a different mood, among people during a dreary day. Everyone is slightly less happy, a little quieter, calmer, and generally more dismal. We love this. It’s a pleasant break from the high-energy enthusiasm of those godawful sunny days. There’s nothing better than holing up in complete isolation during a rainstorm and staring out the window while muttering the poetry of Percy Shelley. It’s a very healthy lifestyle.
Pearls Before Swine – If you’re the kind of fella or gal who likes reading syndicated newspaper comics (I know you’re out there) then have we got a recommendation for you. Pearls Before Swine is the best comic strip out there. It has consistent laughs, painful puns, drunken egotistical rats, and gun-wielding ducks. So go out and find yourself some Pearls Before Swine before it’s too late and you live the rest of your life in complete and devastating regret.
Not Doing the Reading – Walking into a discussion section, you clutch the book in your cold, diseased hands. Maybe if you ruffle the pages and crack the spine the professor will think you did your reading. As the kid next to you spouts off a long string of “Look-at-me-I-obviously-read-the-book-because-I’m-smart-and-organized-and-ahead-of-the-game” comments, you stare down at your desk, hoping you can find an opening in which you can toss out a casual contribution to the discussion. But then the professor points at you and screams your name. “What was your opinion of what happened to Framiloomer the Hunchbacked Charlatan in chapter 78,” he hollers. You look up, your face turns an odd shade of chartreuse, and your hands shake. Falling to your knees, you weep like a small child, knowing that your grade for this discussion section will be slightly lower than normal.
Topical, Relevant, and Timely References – You might be expecting a downward-aimed thumb for the low-hanging fruit of “Not Getting a Pick Time,” but not today, you scoundrels! These thumbs are for things that the people really care about, issues that strike at the folks’ hearts, not frivolous housing concerns.
Barking Chihuahuas- The high-pitched squeal of the barking chihuahua is the greatest issue of our time. Frankly, we should all be ashamed and disappointed that not a single presidential debate has featured a question on what can be done to minimize that barking of the vicious four-legged chihuahua. Get with the times, people.
Featured Image by Patrick Pleul / AP Photo