Everyone I Know Goes Away in the End: The Penultimate TU/TD

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Penultimate – Great word. Ever since Lemony Snicket introduced this into our vocabulary, we haven’t been able to stop using it.

Whoever Picked the Early-Morning Music in Lower – You stumble into Lower at 7:30 a.m. after being forced out of bed an hour earlier to attend to some unexpected business. After peeling a piece of seaweed off of the bottom of your shoe and checking your arms for any lingering tentacle parts, you take a deep breath and go  get yourself a good ol’ Egg McBC (the finest of the McBC product line). Sitting in that little loner cove in the back, you quietly eat in the nearly empty dining hall and feel the depressing weight of the early morning quiet. That broken light is still blinking in the corner of your vision, despite that impassioned TU/TD plea last year. Life is tired, freedom is morose, victory is bitter, and overwrought writing remains healthy. You slowly lower your head onto the table, overcome by the cruelty of the world. Then the speakers crackle briefly above you, and the sound of string music starts to play. Lifting your head, you listen closely. What is this? Is that … Hurt? Yes it is. Someone in Lower is playing a string quartet cover of Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt,” and it is the best thing to ever happen at a Boston College dining facility. You take another bite of your Egg McBC (available at a dining hall near you) and lean back. Lifting two fingers to your lips, you pretend to smoke a cigarette and gaze wistfully out the window as the first students leave their dorms in a cloud of morning haze. For a brief moment, you are one with “Hurt” and “Hurt” is one with you. All is right in the world.

Trying to Make a Little Cash on the Side – Hey BC Dining, did you see how naturally that Egg McBC pitch fit into the story up there? Maybe a little casual product-placement money coming the Thumbmeister’s way? A little cheddar? Benjamins? Big ones? Dead presidents? Lettuce? Moola? Stacks? … No? … Ok.

Self-Respect – Never mind all that. TU/TD has too much self-respect to try to get product-placement money. Our self-respect is strong, vibrant, flavorful, and savory, just like the steak and cheese available at Corcoran Commons and Carney Dining Hall.

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Seriously Though, We’re Not Getting Paid – So if you want to help us out, feel free to leave dollar coins on the bench approximately 7/4 of a mile down the Res if you start on the right. Only dollar coins and only that one bench. We will accept nothing less.

The Sub-Aquatic Forces of Darkness – For the past year, TU/TD has been engaged in  many monumental and doomed conflicts with all that is evil in the world. Mostly minor inconveniences. But as we approach the end of what will forever be known as The Golden Age of TU/TD, it is important that you never forget that the Thumbmeister will always be around to fight for what is right in the world (i.e. lower laundry prices) and against the encroaching darkness (i.e. cash-only vending machines) (also: Hnarqu).

Featured Image by Kelsey McGee / Heights Editor

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