Why Must These Things Happen: TU/TD

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Musical Geniuses – Not too long ago, a video arose on YouTube in which an astute musical mind took it upon himself to dissect the songwriting process of The Chainsmokers. In a hilariously simple fashion, he explains that almost all of their songs can be recreated with three chords, using the melody from “Closer” as a prime example. He then goes on to satirize the pair’s lyrics as of late, exposing their cliché and corny nature. To the man behind the camera, it seems, all it takes to write a Chainsmokers song is a few sentences about heartbreak, a couple random proper nouns, and a reference to the ambiguous era of “when we were young.” What makes this assault so fantastic, however, is how entirely accurate it is. Perhaps the duo should take notice.

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Why, Just Why – It’s a Saturday night at Boston College, and the freshman returns to his dorm, triumphantly still a little bit drunk from the off-campus party he attended for all of 19 minutes. Upon entering his building, however, he is caught in the middle of a smokescreen. When the air clears, he suddenly finds himself surrounded. His dormmates have blocked the stairs in front of him, each of them wielding a tiny black box known as a JUUL. They simultaneously put the devices to their lips, inhaling deep. The freshman has little time to prepare himself before a massive cloud of smoke descends upon him like fire from the mouth of a dragon. He is enveloped in the fumes, paralyzed by the mixture of social pressures and nicotine. “It’s mango bro, it’s good. You should try it,” one of them says, peering at him through the aviators he is wearing at night and inside. Another before him, who is donning an American flag tank top in 30 degree weather, aggressively offers up his small contraption. “Be one of us, man. Hit the JUUL,” he prompts, attempting to entice the freshman into a poor and pointless decision. Alas, the freshman knows better than that. He breaks the glass of the emergency JUUL gas mask container on the wall, and straps on the facial protection. He ascends to his room, addiction free.

The Nerve of Some – Any of the loyal TU/TD followers out there know how I feel about BC’s housing process. I was pretty outraged when I received an email from ResLife at 12:03 a.m. Wednesday morning asking for my feedback on its room selection system. Seeing a message from this evil and diabolical department reopened a number of old wounds and transported me back to the hell from which I thought I had emerged. Stay away from me, ResLife, and remember the turmoil you put my entire class and me through. Because we haven’t forgotten, and probably won’t, at least until Mod day rolls around.

Featured Image by Meg Dolan / Heights Editor

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