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Joe Biden: Ah, ol’ Joe, how we love you. Our love for you, Gaffer-in-Chief, first began way back in 2010 with your infamous comment during the healthcare bill’s signing that it was a “big f—ing deal.” The most recent episode of Joe Biden “Foot-In-Mouth disease”—or a “Joe Bomb,” as one of his staffers has described it—occurred last Thursday at Harvard during a speech at the university’s Institute of Politics. In a response to a question from a student who described himself as the vice president of the student government, Biden quipped, “Isn’t that a bitch?” He then clarified that he was referring to “the vice president thing.” This is just a part of the persona that is Joe Biden. In fact, it is this persona that has spawned countless hilarious parodies on The Onion. Noted among them is the speech he should have given at the Democratic National Convention in 2012 about “that one ‘killer f—ing’ summer in 1987.” And back in 2010, Onion Biden had to lay low in Mexico for a bit because “the situation was getting ‘pretty f—ing dicey’ up in Washington.” Oh, Joe, regardless of the difference between the real you and the inspired-by-real-life-and-intensified-hundred-fold version of you, we just love that you are the vice president of the U.S. After all, our last one shot a guy—you’re just … spontaneous.
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Oversleeping: We fundamentally disagree with having mandatory class events on a Sunday. That being said, although we don’t want to be there, we recognize the importance of attendance. Oops.
Wild Self-Destructive Libertinism: The proceedings that ensue often lead one to a state of being in which oversleeping is unavoidable.
Hacking: What is it with all of this hacking? First it was Home Depot and Target and now it’s J.P. Morgan Chase. You would think after two major retailers saw their systems hacked that corporations across industries would wake up and re-evaluate their entire security systems. But no, apparently that’s just too difficult. Well, now this is so much worse than a couple of retailers. It’s a bank! People put their money there to keep it safe! This should not be happening. Somebody, somewhere should probably be fired for this.
Servers: While we are on the topic of technological problems, we would like to lament the incapacitation of our server. Yes, the problem is fixable, and yes, the server will live to see another day after a quick fix, but in the meantime, what a pain.
The Bell That Doesn’t Toll: Why is it that one of the bells in Gasson tower does not ring? It leaves the quarter-hourly chimes that we have grown to love after all these years incomplete.
Featured Image by Winslow Townson / AP Photo
