It’s finally upon us, the greatest time of the year.
Most of you, however, were probably too busy preparing a Halloween costume to realize what this upcoming weekend actually means.
I’m talking sports. And not just your dad’s Sunday softball league type of sports. I mean the face-melting, hook-yourself-up-to-an-IV-of-pure-sporting-enjoyment type of sports, coming at you live straight from your TV.
With the start of the NBA season and game one of the World Series on Tuesday, the NFL nearing mid-season, the NHL underway as of this month, and the MLS playoffs starting this week, we’re in full gear, folks. Multiply that times two with both college and professional sports happening, and it’s a real doozy. Try not to overdose.
For me, it all started a couple of weeks ago. On a Friday night, I covered a Boston College men’s soccer upset victory over Virginia. The next day, I watched the first official men’s basketball practice at noon before coming back to my dorm to watch the BC football game. And on that night, I made my way over to Conte for the first men’s hockey exhibition. In the span of 30 hours, I had seen it all. The sequence of events brought a tear of joy to my eye. That was just the beginning.
You’re probably filled with many emotions—happiness, anxiety, fear—and you might even be a little hesitant. You might be thinking, “This is all too much for me, I don’t know how to handle it.” Well fear not, comrade, because I’m here for you.
I’ve got you covered with my definitive how-to guide—filled with pro tips, little nuggets of wisdom, and straight facts—for navigating this most wonderful time of the year.
I’ll get you started nice and easy. Step One: Sit on the couch. Step Two: Firmly grasp the remote. Step Three: Turn on TV. Step Four: Never leave.
I’ll allow some exceptions to this last rule, mainly that you can get up to go the bathroom (only at breaks in game play) or to go get food (must be pizza, chicken wings, or buffalo chicken dip). Other than that, grab a pillow and blanket because you’re sleeping there. It’s easier to go right to sleep after those late West Coast games then to have to get up and get to a bed, anyway.
You have to have the perfect set-up. Adjust the TV at optimal eye level for optimal comfort. Leave space next to the TV for a laptop, so you can stream another game at the same time.
Now that we’re situated, it’s time for the first pro tip.
PRO TIP NO. 1: Spend the morning hours doing rigorous finger exercises. That’ll come in handy when you’ve got multiple games at once. Timeouts don’t last long, so you’ll have to switch over from a World Series game to an NBA game pretty quickly. Locate the “last” button on the remote, now, and practice hitting that as many times as you can.
In a couple days, you’ll be flipping channels like a champ.
PRO TIP NO. 2: Get out your calendar. See Sunday, Nov. 1? You might have some things to do that day. I don’t care, cancel them all, because this is the first day when the big four sports all play on the same exact day, barring a sweep in the World Series. If neither the Mets nor the Royals can do it in four games, then game five will come on an NFL Sunday, alongside a few games each from the NBA and NHL. Soak it in—it only comes once a year.
The big four gets most of the love, but don’t forget that the MLS playoffs are also here. And if you’re related to BC in any way, which you probably are if you’re reading this, then I recommend supporting the New England Revolution or the Montreal Impact. Both teams feature BC grads Charlie Davies and Kyle Bekker, respectively.
Okay, it’s getting pretty confusing now, with five sports in the mix and only one pair of eyes to watch them all, so here comes another pro tip.
PRO TIP NO. 3: Keep a TV guide with you at all times, whether it be the app or the hard copy. Memorize that thing, know every game on CBS, NBC, FOX, ABC, TNT, TBS, ESPN, ESPN2, and NBCSN. You’ll be tested on this later. And don’t forget ESPNU, either. I want you committing 100 percent of yourself to this cause.
At the beginning of each day, make a composite schedule of what you’re going to view. Don’t waste a single second on anything other than sports.
Are you still breathing? I understand this is all coming at us hot and heavy. It’s good to check your pulse every once in awhile, just to make sure. The inevitable last-second game-winners and heartbreaking finishes are going to do a number on your health. This sports extravaganza is not for the weak.
PRO TIP NO. 4: Don’t completely forget about Halloween. Save some candy for special circumstances. A Milky Way bar or some Reese’s will come in handy when your favorite team takes a tough loss, and with the amount of games, that’s bound to happen. Eat your sorrows away. And if anyone asks you what you’re going as for Halloween, just turn around and point to the name on the back of whatever jersey you’re wearing.
PRO TIP NO. 5: Buy a portable iPhone charger. When you’re at Alumni Stadium, Conte Forum, or Newton Field for a home game, you’ll need a fully charged phone so that WatchESPN and NBC Live Extra apps can be running at all times.
Congratulations! You’ve made it through the definitive how-to-sports guide with minimal sweating and you’re now stockpiled to embark on a mystical journey of soul-searching and sports fandom.
Just remember to exhale every once in awhile.
Featured Image by Drew Hoo / Heights Editor
