The Boston College student is marked by a competitive spirit—a spirit not confined to the classroom.
Although we consider ourselves men and women for others, we also seek success for ourselves. This results in serious competition at a place like BC. Just the mere fact that we have to apply to clubs on campus demonstrates how students constantly maneuver to best one another. We may also want others to succeed, sure, but not as much as we want ourselves to win. And when we use this selfish mindset in the dating world, it creates comical, often cringey situations.
In the “game” of affection at BC, there are clear winners and losers. In a romantic situation, the person who texts first—or otherwise makes their intentions known before the other—is the loser. They are the ones who put their dignity at risk by admitting their true feelings to others, while the dominant “winners” receive this affection and decide whether to reject or accept the invitation.
Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Shouldn’t the expectation be that the person who breaks the unspoken tension is the dominant one? That person is the one who knows what they want.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. Instead, we are in the generation that created “situationships”—or casual relationships without the commitment. When these situationships go on for prolonged periods with no clear indication of an end goal, they incite conflict between would-be partners and leave both in a place of uncertainty.
If you reach a lengthy breaking point in your own situationship, just surrender. Admit your intentions to the other person. You’d be the “loser,” but you would find out if you are wasting time with a person who is seeing several other people “on the side.”
As a BC community, we should decide that the person who makes their intention known is the winner. Now, I am not saying that every situationship leads to an invested relationship. I simply think it’s better for everyone to be on the same page from the beginning. That said, if neither person in a situationship wants to do more than have fun, more power to them. We are all adults, so we should be able to communicate these intentions in thoughtful ways.
If ethics aren’t enough to change your views on situationship culture, timing should do the trick. After all, we’re at college for just four years. So just go for it! When this part of our lives comes to an end, we will all go back to our respective homes, far away from one another. If you are not committed to someone, you will never see them again. So, there is no downside to risking your dignity with people you might not see again. As cliche as it sounds, none of this will matter in five years. You may as well be the dominant person who makes their intentions known—by doing so, you’re making the best of BC.
College is not the time to play the “do they like me” game. It goes by in a split second, and suddenly you become a junior who has no idea what they want to do with their life.
And “shooting your shot” goes beyond dating culture: In everything from job applications to award nominations, the winners are the ones ready to take risks and commit themselves to new opportunities. If you want something, go get it. No need to weigh pros and cons or fear repercussions—they don’t matter. Be bold and be dominant, in both your situationships and in life.
