Author Sam Farmer talked about his experiences with autism and his book, A Long Walk Down a Winding Road: Small Steps, Challenges, and Triumphs Through an Autistic Lens, in an event at Newton Free Library Wednesday night.
“I am proudly and unapologetically autistic,” Farmer said. “Autism is an example of something that can be looked at in more than one way.”
Farmer said he struggled his whole life with self-criticism because of his diagnosis.
“What my hope is with the book is to try to convey a greater understanding of autism from someone who wears these shoes,” Farmer said
Farmer wasn’t diagnosed with autism until he was 40. Up until that point, he had thought he was simply “learning disabled,” a diagnosis he had received at the age of 3.
Farmer said he grew up never having a real name to assign to his condition, and he spoke about how this led him to struggle with people’s perception of him.
“Internalized ableism often is allowed to sink under our skin and compromise us” Farmer said. “We are at odds with [society’s] expectations.”
Farmer pointed out an example, reminiscing on when his mom got an “extra time accommodation” for him on the SAT, but he rejected it because he didn’t want to be different.
“I want to be like everyone else,” Farmer said. “I don’t want to be different, I want to be like everyone else.”
Farmer reflected on turning down this accommodation. He understands that in retrospect, it really would have helped him, but his desire to hide his differences caused him to self-sabotage.
He used this story as a chief example of how ableism affects the lives of people with learning disabilities in his book.
“The way learning disabilities, the way autism is stigmatized in our community has huge consequences,” Farmer said. “We’re trying to rewrite the script.”
Farmer gave advice to people who have also been diagnosed with autism.
“The people with whom we associate will either make us or break us,” Farmer said. “I attribute my success to the people in my life. I had been bullied on several occasions, clearly those are examples of dealing with the wrong people.”
Farmer said that though he struggled, he also possessed advantages many do not.
“I’m a man,” Farmer said. “The color of my skin is white. I happen to be heterosexual.”
Farmer expressed his desire for others to use his book as a tool to help themselves. He said the book uses personal experience to teach the reader how to navigate through social skills, bullying, the workplace, parenting, and self-love—with the last subject being particularly meaningful for Farmer.
“That took a couple years after I was diagnosed at 40,” Farmer said.
Farmer spoke about how his diagnosis was critical in helping him overcome his internalized ableism, even though it wasn’t easy.
“Working to build self-esteem was no cakewalk for me,” Farmer said. “[Autism]’s not something to be fixed, to be cured. It’s a neurotype.”
Farmer said he wants his readers to understand that autism is not something that needs to be isolating from the rest of the population.
“The way all our brains are wired is different,” Farmer said. “We are all a neurotype.”
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