Freshman year, it felt almost impossible not to compare everything about my college life to the college lives of my friends at other schools. From classes to dining halls and dorm decor to social life, I found myself constantly comparing and contrasting my experiences with the experiences of others, trying to anxiously convince myself that I lived a life just as fun and fulfilling as my friends’.
Things about Boston College that I never thought would bother me—not having Greek life, living on Newton Campus—started to stand out as strikingly “different.” Eventually, I began to view these things that felt “different” as inferior. The comparison became all-consuming, especially when looking at other schools I had considered in the application process. I questioned whether I made the right choice by coming to BC.
But my doubts were purely products of comparison.
I was enjoying myself and my time at BC. There was nothing in particular that I didn’t like about my life on the Heights, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing out on something somewhere else. Beyond that, the innumerable unknowns in the three years ahead left me wondering if these feelings would become standard to my experience.
Eventually, as I began to settle into a better routine and found a great group of friends, the comparison slowly started to settle down. I became content with all of BC and recognized that what might be “different” here is actually a better fit for me.
Though it took time (a lot of time), I started to acknowledge that every school has its pros and cons, and I reminded myself of why I chose BC in the first place. “The grass is always greener …” I told myself each time I reverted back to my cycles of comparison.
Now, as a senior, the discomfort of not knowing what comes next has started a new cycle of comparison. As I see friends accept job offers and solidify their trajectory for the foreseeable future, the unknowns of my gap year before applying to medical school have reignited my feelings of discontent with the status quo.
Similarly, these feelings are complex and multifaceted. I don’t even know what I want to be doing, so the uncertainty of my plans feels appropriate, if a bit uncomfortable. This time, though, I feel I have a more mature outlook on how to cope with these feelings of uncertainty, learning to embrace the periods of unknown as periods of self-discovery.
Having worked through these confusing (and often contradictory) feelings once before, I now know how to make peace with unpredictability. Though it’s a dynamic process to navigate, it has taught me to be content with where I am.
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