When you go to a bar, you almost always run into the usual crowd: the dancers, the singers, the flirts, the drunks, the partiers, the casual-goers—they’re all there. But often unnoticed are the observers, who simply sit and watch as eclectic groups execute their recipes for success or flounder into recipes for disaster.
For better or worse, I typically fall into that underwhelming category, because I get more enjoyment from people-watching than socializing. In fact, I rarely like to socialize. But it’s this innate reluctance to socialization that leads me to pursue some of my most interesting social interactions.
One of my favorite movies is Harold and Maude, a dark and very unconventional love story which—in simple terms—involves a romance between a man who embraces death and a woman who embraces life. And (spoilers for a 53-year-old movie), as the film concludes, Maude learns to welcome death as Harold chooses to keep on living despite hard times. It’s one of those cathartic tearjerkers.
Taking this philosophy, I have been able to enjoy life quite a bit more. At bars, for example, I have sworn myself to have at least one random conversation with someone, whether it be the bartender, the person next to me wearing a Patriots jersey, or the person chuckling in the other corner watching all the chaos unfold.
There is something deeply soothing about uncomfortability.
Through challenging my insecurities head-on, I’ve grown to derive more fun from the things that I used to hold myself back from in fear. Seeing each interaction as “for the bit” makes life so much more interesting.
For example, since I hate introducing myself to new people, a fun thing I’ve done as a senior at BC is going up to people either in class or out and introducing myself as a friend of a friend. And how do I know that we have a mutual? Well maybe because I’ve spent the last four years with you, I’ve seen hundreds of posts you’ve been in, and I’ve heard your name brought up in various conversations before. (People seem to find it strange when I do this one, so I often have to give my mutual friend a heads-up out of respect).
But I find it strange that people don’t do this more! Think of it like this: aside from sharing a mutual friend, we also have a shared understanding that neither of us know each other very well, and each could find the other to be totally off-putting and unpleasant. Yup, now we have two things in common!
Society tends to place a negative spin on things that control how we act. Uncomfortability has to be “bad” and being friendly has to be “weird,” but this is your narrative. Personally, I’ve stopped caring about it all. When I look back on my day before falling asleep at night, I’m always smiling about the things I did that took me by surprise.
And for the times it doesn’t work out (because sometimes it will not), I promise it always makes for a funny story down the line. Why? Because this is your narrative. No one else controls you.
And if someone does, I suggest branching away from that person. Maybe they have some pretty sweet mutuals…
It’s all for the bit. Uncomfortability is a dandy thing. My life has gotten a lot easier ever since I realized this and brought the “Harold and Maude, fake-it-til-you-make-it” philosophy into my day-to-day. I think we’d all be a little better off for it.
