“It changed my life.”
My friend Becca repeats this phrase after every retreat she goes on. At some point, I started to question how much her life actually changed between each retreat.
Sure, I’ve been on all the staple retreats that Boston College has to offer: 48 Hours, Halftime, Kairos, and even a few for individual clubs, but I have never gone as far as to say that they have “changed my life.” In fact, I wouldn’t even say Becca has changed all that much, considering I went on half of these retreats with her.
Yet, I find myself longing to go back on these retreats. I’m even leading one this year.
When I submitted my leader application, I questioned the intention. The retreats were fun, but I was never attached to the experience like Becca. Did I even deserve to be a leader?
While at a lead meeting, we started talking about what to do if no one in our small group wants to participate—every leader’s worst nightmare. The phrase “they have to buy what you’re selling” immediately stuck out to me. Suddenly, Becca and I’s differences became clear.
Becca was very intentional about her retreats. She wanted to be changed, so she was. On the other hand, I merely wanted a weekend away from campus and an excuse not to study. I didn’t see the point in discussing personal issues with people I’d just met and seeing how the saddest moments in my life stacked up against others’. What was that going to do—trauma bond us? I didn’t need trauma bonding or friendship bracelets, although always appreciated—I needed solutions. How could my life be changed if I wasn’t offered tangible solutions to make it better?
Despite my lack of intentionality during my freshman year, I’m buying in now—not just to retreats, but to the BC vision in general. When we came to BC, we paid upwards of $90,000 for the best experience of our lives, but many students are going through the motions, doing what they think they are supposed to. What a waste of a mortgage.
Honestly, I didn’t have the best time in my freshman year. I set unattainable expectations for BC and college life in general. From the beginning, I thought BC had to prove itself to me when all I had to do was let go of my expectations and simply exist.
So, I think retreats did “change my life. Eventually. I was just a late bloomer. The lessons from retreats have a more significant impact than you think. From the people you meet, the late-night games of manhunt, and the speeches from leaders—something will resonate eventually, but you have to buy in.
So go on a retreat—be present, be patient, exist—do whatever you have to in order to be “changed.”
