We all get into arguments about the insignificant details of past events—the who, what, when, and where. Which sibling started that fight? What flowers did he bring on your first date? How old were you when you got that dog?
But for some, it isn’t just the insignificant things that slip away. Family members, birthdays, and friends all blur together, quickly becoming difficult to recall and frustratingly out of reach.
How is it possible to forget something so important?
Elizabeth Kensinger, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Boston College, asks this same question as she researches memory.
One man Kensinger talked to couldn’t remember his grandchild’s first birthday party. The inability to remember emotional experiences like these is extremely disruptive to patients, senior caregivers have told Kensinger.
“How could these moments not be salient?” Kensigner asked.
Why We Forget and How To Remember Better, a book co-written by Kensinger and Andrew Budson, chief of cognitive and behavioral neurology at the Veteran Affairs Boston Healthcare System and professor at Boston University School of Medicine, explores this question and other aspects of memory—how it changes over time, how emotions and sleep affect it, and how different parts of the brain contribute to it.
“I wanted to write a book that would explain how memory works, and how you can use that knowledge to improve your thinking and memory,” Budson said.
But before they could get to writing, they needed to do their research, and this process wasn’t always easy.
“There are constantly things you have to overcome—you’re constantly faced with being wrong,” Kensinger said.
At the start of many scientists’ careers, it is difficult to adjust to a lab environment, where small mistakes can have a major impact on their work. Kensinger, however, emphasized that an open mindset can help prevent scientists from getting bogged down by these missteps.
The mindset Kensinger developed during the research process ultimately helped her seek out constructive feedback.
“Writing the book was very much that way,” said Kensinger. “I wanted to write in a way that was entertaining for everyone but still accurate. That was really tough.”
Kensinger described the process of writing this book as a learning curve similar to her teaching experience. Conveying the importance of understanding memory accurately was especially important, Kensinger said.
The book addresses many common misconceptions about memory, according to Kensinger. One of these misconceptions is that forgetting is a bad thing.
In Why We Forget and How to Remember Better, Kensinger explained that memory is not just about recalling the past—it also helps us navigate the present and anticipate the future. By trimming away irrelevant information, memory allows us to focus on what truly matters.
“The past will just get in the way,” Kensinger said. “Memory acts beautifully when it gets rid of things.”
Kensinger also explained how memory is closely tied to attention. Attention is a necessary precursor to memory, Kensinger said, and having poor memories is often a result of poor attention or attention problems.
Apart from memory, Kensinger said she believes the creative aspect of scientific study is often misunderstood.
“Science is a creative endeavor—people miss that,” said Kensinger. “You are discovering things that nobody knows yet. It’s a tremendous opportunity for individuality.”
For Kensinger, science is a collaborative process built on relationships and understanding each other, rather than an isolating pursuit. Her work with Budson is just one example of this teamwork.
Budson described the enduring collaborative relationship between him and Kensinger, which began when Daniel Schacter, a professor at Harvard University, recommended to Budson that he use a paradigm developed by Kensinger.
“[Kensinger] taught me how to do my first experiment for which I’ve been eternally grateful to her,” Budson said. “ I have essentially been working with [Kensinger] on and off ever since.”
At Harvard, Kensinger studied biology and psychology with Schacter, as neuroscience had not yet become an established field of study.
But her fascination with memory traces back long before that. Kensinger’s curiosity about memory sparked at a young age, starting with her experience playing the violin.
When she performed at senior centers, Kensinger began to wonder why elderly people experience memory so much differently from her.
Years later, Kensinger furthered her pursuit of understanding memory by studying brain and cognitive science as a graduate student at MIT. At the time, neuroimaging and MRI technology were just emerging, and Kensinger sought out opportunities to work with them
As a woman in a traditionally male-dominated field, Kensinger would face challenges unfamiliar to her male counterparts. Fortunately, she found a mentor in a fellow female scientist at MIT. During her undergraduate years, however, there were only three female faculty, and none of them ever discussed balancing family life with a scientific career.
“I thought it would be hard to have a family and be in science because I didn’t have a model to say this was possible,” Kensinger said.
Kensinger said she got engaged early in graduate school but chose not to tell any of her classmates, professors, or even her mentor about it. She felt that she was not free to share this part of herself, fearful that she would be treated differently. To keep it hidden, she would even take off her ring.
“It seemed obvious to hide it,” Kensinger said.
One day, Kensinger’s advisor noticed her wedding ring and congratulated her on her engagement, prompting Kensinger to reveal that she had been hiding it for much longer.
Reflecting on how women’s roles in science have evolved, Kensinger feels a deep sense of pride.
“I am so proud of how far things have come,” Kensinger said.
Kensinger is now highly regarded in her field and has been featured on podcasts like Great Blue Hill, Boston Science Forum, The Boston Globe Podcast, and NPR.
Sandry Garcia, a former lab coordinator in Kensinger’s lab, described her as something of a celebrity.
“I don’t think I understood how big of a name she was until I came to the psychonomics conference here in Boston,” Garcia said.
At the conference, Garcia hoped to introduce herself to Kensinger to let her know that she was applying to her lab.
“It must have taken maybe 30 seconds to grab my bag and coat, and by the time I turned around there was a whole line of people waiting to talk to her,” Garcia said. “I was like, ‘Oh my gosh! I was literally sitting one row away from her!’ I couldn’t get to her and this happened multiple times … everyone knows who she is, clearly.”
Kensinger left a lasting impression on Garcia, not only because of her scientific expertise but also due to her openness and compassion toward her students and peers.
“As a Hispanic woman, I just didn’t know if I belonged, and I think that’s a really good point,” Garcia said. “I remember we had a lab meeting where all we talked about was people’s experiences with impostor syndrome.”
Garcia learned that even Kensinger, despite her success, had wrestled with feeling like she did not belong in the field.
“[Kensinger was] experiencing imposter syndrome of all people?’” Garcia said. “‘No way.’ [Kensinger] just felt like someone who I could relate to in that way.”
For Garcia, Kensinger’s book became a lifeline during a challenging time, offering both practical knowledge and emotional comfort. When her grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the book’s insights helped Garcia and her family navigate the confusion and uncertainty that followed. Through this, Kensinger’s impact extended beyond the lab, providing support when it was needed most.
“Reading the book at that time kind of gave me that understanding of what Alzheimer’s is like and what potential factors cause Alzheimer’s,” Garcia said. “It even gave me the courage to go to my family so they also would have an understanding of maybe what was happening with my grandmother at the time.”
