Don’t call me rude.
I was born in Boston and grew up just north of the city. But being from New England does not make me rude. It’s more complicated than that.
Freshman year, I was talking to a buddy from the Midwest. Feeling a little homesick, he started complaining about the East Coast. “Why is everyone so rude? Everything’s so transactional—you guys don’t even say ‘hi’ to each other when you order coffee.”
He had a point, sure. I replied, “I know. We’re tough out here.”
But if you’re going to judge New Englanders, you better judge right and read between the lines. When I order coffee, I just want to order my coffee. “Yeah, I’ll take a regular black. Thanks.”
Although I don’t add any fun caramel flavors, what’s wrong with my statement? I’m at a coffee shop for a simple reason—a coffee. Is “take” too harsh? A little impolite? If I were in Venice, I’d say, “Prendo un caffè,” which literally translates to “I take a coffee.” I don’t see you calling Italy rude. Oh, and I said “thanks,” so up yours!
I know, I know—I’m making a strong case for myself. Sarcasm aside, have you ever considered that when I find myself in the Midwest, I might find it rude that the guy in front of me is chitchatting with the barista about his kid losing a tooth? I’m here to get coffee, not to catch up with a friend. And now, the line that should be two deep has turned into five people because “little Johnny couldn’t sleep—he was so excited to see the tooth fairy.”
News flash, pal—time is money. You’re calling me impolite for not telling the barista where my cousin’s friend’s sister’s cat grew up? What about the poor woman behind me, just trying to get her caffeine before working a double shift at Beth Israel? From the bottom of my heart, I’m not being rude—at least, I’m not trying to be. I’m just saving everyone some precious time.
Like I said, my friend had a point. There is a crass and abrupt attitude in the Northeast—not just in how we order coffee, but in how we speak and navigate our days. It’s not something we should be ashamed of, but rather a part of New England culture that we should take pride in. So, when you claim it’s rude, naturally, I’m going to get aggravated. Yes, it is nice to greet people because there’s an unconscious acknowledgment of another human being, yada, yada, yada. But that’s just not how it’s done in New England.
For the past few years, I’ve wrestled with this—trying to be more mindful of how I act and come across. Was I raised incorrectly? I keep this at the forefront of my mind every time I order something. But believe it or not, saying, “Hey, how are you?” as you approach store clerks will get you nowhere in New England. They’re so thrown off that they look at you like you have five heads. Then, you have to awkwardly give them your order. If you want to be friendly in the Northeast, use the “I’ll take a …” line first. As they make your order, ask them, “How are you?” It doesn’t distract them from doing their job, and it doesn’t hold up the line behind you—you might even get a little extra product if you have a good riff going.
Above all, though, what I’m trying to convey is the overarching New England philosophy. Is it wrong for me to say what’s on my mind, even in this article? I’m going to tell you it isn’t, but you’re entitled to disagree.
In the South, there’s the saying, “Bless your heart.” Its meaning ranges from genuine well-wishes to a dismissive insult, depending on the tone and context. I can’t comprehend it—I find it fake, superficial, and mean. Just tell me to F off.
This is what I am trying to get at. Don’t call me rude—I’m just direct. I see getting coffee as just getting coffee, nothing more, nothing less. It’s honesty. Sure, it’s blunt, but it’s still honest. It’s something I’ve built my whole life around. I’m open to being called out, but know what you’re getting yourself into if you do. Some values run much deeper than they appear.
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