TikTok has no idea what a theory is. Even when the theories get the technical idea right, they are pretty consistently a little dumb. Red nail theory, taxi cab theory, and the like all usually add, in my opinion, very little to the cultural conversation (and are even less likely to ring true). I do, however, have quite a fondness for bean soup theory.

The flashing card game on my screen would teach me lessons the unit circle never could: solitaire taught me to accept failure.